My landlady put her dog to sleep yesterday morning. I feel really sad about it. I mean, he was 14 years old, which is pretty old for a dog, and he had a lot of trouble with his legs, was pretty much blind and deaf, and since last week, when he probably had a stroke, hadn't been able to bark at all. Also, he became incontinent and was confined pretty much to the kitchen all the time. It does seem like her choice was for the best, as he was beginning to suffer more and more, but it is still sad. And I feel terribly guilty and am filled with regret for not spending more time with him and not taking better care of him. One day maybe I'll write about all the reasons I am moving out -- why living here has not been ideal for me for many reasons. But right now I just feel sad and filled with regret -- about the fact that I didn't come home the night before she put him to sleep -- when I could have said good-bye and could have spent some time with him. I didn't know she was putting him to sleep, because she told me she had decided not to, because she said he was rallying, that he seemed better. I was in West Concord with some work friends, who invited me to hang out, which they've never done before. She called me at 7:30pm that night and left a message asking if I was going to be home soon because she didn't want to have to leave him in the kitchen and she wasn't going to be home until 10pm. There have been many times when I have come home from whatever I was doing because she had some sort of social engagement and needed me to take care of him, but that night, I decided not to return her call. Honestly, I was having fun. I haven't really done many social things lately and I was enjoying myself -- and I was 45 minutes from home. The next day when I went to tell her I was sorry I didn't get back to her -- that I was with friends from work, etc., she told me she had already put him to sleep. I felt like such an asshole. I felt like such a lazy, selfish asshole and honestly, I still do. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her to do it. This dog has been part of her life for a very long time and her life here in this house is now going to be drastically different. Her main companion is gone and that must be very, very sad for her.
I have no good pictures of Crab. He always moved suddenly whenever I tried to take his picture. But here is a post from when I first moved in that shows him in motion. And here's another post about a funny thing that happened one day. Honestly, at the time, I think I was upset about it, but I laughed about that for a long time.
May you rest in peace. And, wherever you are now, may there be many interesting smells and lots of delicious doggie treats.