Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Yesterday my boss told me she thinks I have A.D.D. Well, actually, she said, "You know you have A.D.D., right?" I think there might some truth to this. I actually have been saying that for months now, but thought maybe it was because I'm in an environment with kids with learning disabilities and since this is all new to me, I am prone to try on different diagnoses. It's true, though, that I can't seem to concentrate on anything. But, if I do have A.D.D., does it mean I need to go on Ritalin? That's a scary thought. Or is there an alternative? My Dad would probably say I should meditate every day. There are books that would probably say I should avoid sugar, caffeine, dairy products, wheat, and other things. Maybe I should do yoga or breathing exercises? Maybe I need to get off my butt and start running again (even though I have no time for it)? Or, maybe I have only started having symptoms of A.D.D. since I started this job? Maybe being around others with attentional disorders has a negative influence on me? It's true that I have a hard time figuring out what to concentrate on when I'm not in a degree program. Life is complex and confusing to me when I have too many options and decisions to make. But given that I got straight-A's in grad school, I don't know how bad my A.D.D. could really be. But I'm finding that doing even one class while working full-time, traveling back and forth to Syracuse, and rehearsing an opera is very difficult and is pretty much driving me insane. I don't feel like I can give anything the attention it deserves and that causes me a great deal of anxiety. So, maybe I don't have A.D.D. Maybe I just can't handle having so many things on my plate.