Monday, June 27, 2011

Calm

Of all the things that happened today, the most interesting was when, this evening, in the middle of singing my third mass of the day, I suddenly stopped feeling tired and anxious. I'm not sure how to account for it. I realized that it would be my last time singing for this particular group of people and with this particular pianist. I was enjoying the music and feeling good about how my voice sounded, but that had been true for the other masses, too. Only, until then I had been feeling incredibly tired. If you had asked me what I wanted most in life just an hour earlier, I would have said to take about a week long nap. But, something happened. After my second mass of the day, I went to brunch with a couple of ladies in the choir and then we ended up going on a very long scenic drive. By the time we were back near the church, it was only about two hours before I had to be back for the next mass, so I opted to stay in the neighborhood instead of going home. I went into a record store and browsed around and then I did the same at a book store. And, then I went to an art supply store and bought a journal and a nice pen and went to a coffee shop. I ordered a bagel and coffee and sat there and wrote for a while until it was time for the next mass. I was still pretty tired when the mass began, but at some point in the middle I felt some relief, and when the mass ended I felt a sort of ease and confidence that was very unexpected. And, afterwards and even on the bus ride home, I felt unusually relaxed.

I expect the week ahead to be somewhat hectic. It's my last week at my office. I'll be finishing up loose ends and training my replacement. I will have my last teaching day at one school branch on Monday evening and my last teaching day at another school branch on Thursday evening. My landlord will be showing my apartment for the first time on Saturday, so I will also need to find some time to make things clean and presentable before then.

I really have no reason to feel calm. But, I'll take it when it comes.

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